Atariland

Unexpected Schwag

2012-03-02T17:56:00.001-05:00

A package of Mini schwag unexpectedly arrived today. The coolest part is the shipping container which becomes a reusable bag when turned inside-out

Bread baking level up

2012-02-29T10:10:00.001-05:00

On Monday I succeeded in leveling up my bread baking. I diverged from my usual recipe that I felt was too cake like. This one is soft and delicious.

Age of Aquarius...or something

2012-02-28T18:35:00.001-05:00

The moon, Jupiter, and Venus are in alignment tonight. The picture is wholly misrepresentative.

Japanese Tube Papercraft

2012-02-21T13:45:00.001-05:00

This robot samurai and dog, named Rokusuke and Hachi, were found for me at the MoMA gift shop. It's a pack of paper tubes and bilingual instructions. All you need to assemble them are a pair of scissors. Check out piperoid.jp/en/index.html .

A Natural Progression

2011-09-16T05:40:00.001-04:00

In Europe more so than the US, men's restrooms utilize troughs instead of urinals. Depite the reduced privacy, these are a good idea for bars and such where good aim is in short supply. I have always thought that as a natural extension of this the entire floor should be made into a grate through which refuse could pass unabated. The Dublin bus station is leading this wave of innovation, it seems, as the floor directly beneath the urinals is indeed a grate. Clearly notable is the usefulness of this arrangement. Why bother with the hassle of aiming when the entire floor can be your oyster?

Delicious Snowballs

2011-09-13T10:28:00.002-04:00

He slumped down into a plastic, vacant rail station seat across from me, pausing for a moment as if to contemplate the enormity of the task he was about to undertake. His right hand held a European citrus soda while a package of six snowballs dangled from his right. Go time. With one corner torn open the first treat was in hand - his desire too fervent to wait to free them en mass. A snowfall of coconut flakes accompanied each bite as he devoured the remainders punctuated by swigs of the citrus ambrosia. When the deed was done and wrapper forgotten on the floor he could only stare blankly up and to the left, perhaps witnessing some personal, godly beauty. There he remained, stautesque, complimented by and even distribution of coconut, until I was forced by an arriving train to depart.

Yavin 4 = Tikal

2010-12-25T12:06:00.003-05:00

This morning while watching Star Wars, Episode 4, I noticed the skyline of Yavin 4 - the rebel base from which was launched the final attack on the Death Star - was familiar. It is a view from the top of one of the stepped pyramids at Tikal in Guatemala. I never realized I had been to Yavin 4.

Fear begets subjection

2010-12-06T23:46:00.002-05:00

In Dune Frank Herbert wrote, "fear is the mind killer." Humans are designed to fear; it is a good evolutionary trait that kept us alive and away from velociraptors. However, it is reactionary and comes with the cost of loss of prescience. I would go so far at to surmise that Americans like to fear. Reacting carnally is easy and we have learned that anything easier must be better.

This op-ed concisely summarizes my thoughts regarding the new TSA security regulations. How have we become so wholly accustomed to fear that we are willing to sacrifice the very principles upon which the country was founded?

One could go all alien conspiracy up at that shit and claim the government is intentionally causing schools to stop teaching Math well thereby robbing the ability of the people to rationally compute threat percentages. Unfortunately, the truth is probably a magnitude more depressing. We are lazy. Why confront a fear when someone else can do it for you?

The next time you find yourself in a body scanner, pee-pee exposed to drooling, back-room attendants, ask yourself what you fear more: imagined death or being treated like livestock. Don't worry if terrorists start smuggling using methods the scanners cannot detect. The TSA will start employing these soon enough.

What I learned today

2010-12-03T17:18:00.002-05:00

When typing in a bash shell, one can fix typos on a previous line with the ^ symbol. For example, "^wong^wang" will replace "wong" with "wang" in the last command and re-execute it. That's amazing!

http://lifehacker.com/5698494/quickly-fix-command-line-mistakes-with-the--symbol

heh...wang.

What I learned today

2010-10-27T11:35:00.002-04:00

If one picks a number at random from the universe, there is a 30% chance that the first digit will be 1. How awesome is that? For example, pick up any science text and tally the occrances of each of the nine digits starting a number (0 does not count). The probability of occurrence decreases as the digit increases. Square area of countries on the planet? Same thing. The number of auto accidents per state per year? Same thing.

It is called Branford's law.

Today I learned

2010-10-13T16:25:00.002-04:00

Today, I learned the awesomeness of the "*" printf formatting rule. printf("%*c", 5, '\t') will print 5 tabs. Behold, I no longer need employ loops for indenting!

I dream of diff e q

2010-10-13T16:20:00.002-04:00

One of my dreams last night involved me solving a partial differential equation in extensive detail. That is pretty nerdy by itself, but the result of completing the derivation was unlocking some sort of pornography.

Today I learned

2010-08-25T23:00:00.002-04:00

I learned that the Cromwell Diner has the spiciest omelet I have ever eaten - spicy in a way that melts intestines.

Pass It On

2010-08-11T23:45:00.003-04:00

An older gentleman made me smile today. It was a powerful, ear-to-ear grin, and entirely unexpected. Today I learned that I need to make people smile more often so I can pass it on.

What I Learned Today

2010-08-10T00:03:00.002-04:00

I learned to trust my instincts and use raid 1 when I deem it appropriate instead of raid 0 as was suggested - especially when the hard drives are crappy.

What I learned today

2010-08-07T23:06:00.002-04:00

Today I learned that too much alcohol can increase your stress levels but just enough will lower it. So, drink more, but not too much -- just enough.

What I Learned Today

2010-08-05T15:15:00.001-04:00

Today I learned that shrimp and watermelon is not a tasty combination.

Death of a Superstar

2010-07-06T10:37:00.002-04:00

Our most appreciated koi, Biggie, was eaten by a wild beast last night. Indeed, he was just a fish but he had been with us for so long. Twice he jumped out of the water only to be rescued at the last possible moment. Aside from some possible brain damage due to asphyxiation, we thought him to be immortal. Most of all we will miss his sucking on our fingers.

Feeling sad about the death of something like a fish gets me thinking. Certainly, the fish was not a friend; there is no empty hole in my like that was before filled with fish. However, there were experiences had which centered around this creature. It is perhaps the direct contact with the ephemeral nature of said experiences - and life itself - that causes the up-welling.

Attachment

2010-06-17T18:14:00.004-04:00

When I have something valuable my first instinct is to coddle it with great care. I lavish it with such attention it's original purpose is lost. Then I realize the best way to truely appreciate something is to not value it at all.

Belize day 8

2010-06-04T15:45:00.002-04:00

Today is our last day in San Ignacio and last full day in the country. Sure, there are a few more activities we could have done -- such as traveling to the more traditional Souh of the county -- but I feel good that we covered enough of the country.

This morning we visited the iguana sanctuary maintained by the hotel. We had iguana crawling all over us. They often cater to large, local school groups in an effort to promote awareness.

There seems to be a real push for preservation in this country, but whether the locals at large adhere to that I am not sure. Ecotourism is rapidly growing industy here and one gets the feeling that there is much emphasis placed upon it.

Two more home-cooked meals at the howler monkey lodge and we are off.

Belize Day 7

2010-06-03T18:21:00.002-04:00

The excursion today was to ATM. We travelled the same path through the caves as did the Maya who believed it to be their underworld. Seeing 1300 year old relics and skeletal remains exactly as they were left was quite memorable. I can only imagine the experiences of the Maya all those years ago, traveling through these rushing water caves, high on drugs, and with only a torch to light the way.

It is far too hot today to write more.

Better to have?

2010-06-01T23:07:00.002-04:00

Traveling in countries like this where the populace is generally poorer than what we see day-to-day in the US eventually makes me sad. Sad am I not for the people of these locales -- I believe most of them are happy and live more simply. I lament the economic divide between my culture and theirs. So much of what we have because we believe it is crucial to life is in actuality wasteful and unnecessary. These attachments create a rift between us and the natural world and us and other humans. At the same time, it seems very difficult to live in the US without certain things. I do not yet know if that is a truth or a delusion.

Belize Day 6

2010-06-01T23:00:00.003-04:00

The lesson of the day is: if you have the choice of driving or hiking up hill for one mile in 100% humidity you drive. We visited a smaller ruin today. Compared to Tical it is diminutive. Notably, the main temple had a fully restored frieze which was rather nice to see. Additionally, we rode a hand-crank ferry across a river to get to it. I felt verily like a hobbit leaving the shire for the first time.

I neglected to mention yesterday's dinner experience. The food itself was Indonesian and the best curry I have ever eaten. However, it was the accidental entertainment that decorated the evening. Constant cackling of a very drunk Canadian woman was punctuated but he aging mother back somersaulting down 10 steps while exiting the restaurant. It would not have been entertaining of the woman was hurt. Lucky for her she had been drinking and was quite relaxed.

Belize Day 5

2010-06-01T22:21:00.002-04:00

Today we visited Tikal in Guatemala via an all day tour. Our guide handled all of the border crossing details, and that was good because shotgun wielding militia are always intimidating. Generally, travel between Belize and Guatemala is a regular and uneventful affair. This was no always the case however. There was a time when Guatemala was poised on the advent of invasion only to be interrupted by an earthquake. Our guide was well versed in local history and filled our two hour ride to the site with such details.

The site itself is almost beyond description. The breadth of architectural, mathematical, and astrological knowledge needed to create this city is obvious. I would rank this up above Machu Pichu in raw implementation -- although the impact of the latter is possibly better. I am again impressed with the level of access and lack of safety in these monuments compared with what would be required in the US. There were times when we literally climbed 120 foot ladders to four foot wide landings with no railings at the top of temples. The whole jungle is laid bare before you. I can only begin to imagine what it much have felt like for rulers of these vast civilizations to look out from these holy places with the beliefs that they were touching their gods.

Belize Day 5

2010-05-31T23:26:00.002-04:00

The half-way point.

More excellent food from the Howler Monkey Lodge. This mornings johnny cakes lasted well past just breakfast and became cashew fruit laden snacks a day hence.

The Howler Monkey Lodge is part of a cooperative of farmers dedicated to reducing environmental impact and practicing sutainable farming. The have a nature center and a series of trails in the area which we visited today. The best kernel of knowldge gained was "monkey bridges." They are simple ladders strung hoizontally across gaps in the forest allowing for monkey movement. They do not swing from them, but instead walk across!

Completing that, we made our way West. The first stop was the Belize zoo. Normally I detest zoos as they seem to demonstrate conservation at its worst. This, however, is an exception. All the animals there cannot live for themselves in the wild and reside comfortably in beautiful habtitats. Some are even free to come and go as they please.

Thick curtains of rain escorted us further West. At a gift shop along the way we had a wonderful converstaion with the owner. Raised by hippies in some middle state os the US he was expatriated to Belize at a yoing age and has been here ever since. Most of the beautiful woodwork in his shop is of his own fashioning. His attitude towards life was most refreshing, and his coffee was exceptional and served with condensed milk. A good combination.

Belize Day 4

2010-05-30T22:39:00.002-04:00

For the most part, I feel this is verily a country in which I could live. Most importantly, there is a general friendliness exuded by the peoples here that seems quite genuine. Secondly, everyone seems quite happy to live in harmony with each other despite any racial, ethnic, or other difference. Lastly, while there is plenty of dirtiness, there seems to be a general movement towards reuse and sustainability.

One notable exception to this is a village we visited today. The majority of the locals seemed to admonish our presence and no places to purchase local goods were labeled or at all findable. This feeling was confirmed by one random local inhabitant who invited us onto his land. He offered us some cashew wine moonshine from a bucket in his shack, gave us free papaya, and encouraged us to stop by again if we ever "needed anything". We chatted for some time about this an that in a very genuine experience. We walked away with a liter of the wine in a reused water bottle -- sketchy to be sure, given his repeated assurances that everything was clean. Note that this has not stopped me from drinking it.

Belize day 3

2010-05-30T14:40:00.004-04:00

Today the wind is nonexistent. This makes for bad kite boarding but really good snorkeling. We had a 5 hour guided tour of amazing sea life and the coral reef. Fish, rays, and nurse sharks close enough to touch abounded. The reef itself was like an entirley new world.

We thought this was our last day on the island and caught the last water taxi of the day back to Belize city. In actuality, we had one more day there. Oops. We did not realize this until arriving at the monkey sanctuary lodge and finding the caretaker confused about our arrival. Luckily she had vacancy. We are down some dollars but the food here -- homemade -- is second only to the lodge in Peru.

Belize day 2

2010-05-27T23:20:00.002-04:00

Unfortnately, the wind was not with us today and we were not able to do the full kite boarding course. We did eveything up until actually getting on a board. Certainly we will need to seek out instruction in CT this summer. Sarah fell into a sea urchin though. Hopefully the blue dots left behind will not be a permanent tattoo.

Lunch was barricuda and diner a snapper, conch, and shrimp curry.

Belize day 1

2010-05-26T23:25:00.002-04:00

Aside from a rough entry into Belize City and a few unruly children who smelled of poo the flights were uneventful.

Lunch was conch cerviche and dinner included red snapper and stone crab -- really thick shells.

Kite boarding is amazing fun.

Belize bound

2010-05-26T04:16:00.001-04:00

Four hours of sleep and we are on our way.

Games To Try

2008-10-14T16:15:00.000-04:00

PC games I should pick up: King's Bounty, Dead Space.

WoW WotLK Warlock Build

2008-10-01T23:31:00.002-04:00

My level 80 build shall resemble http://wotlk.wowhead.com/?talent=IbxMRdrZbxfzsgoqMstkwo

At 70 http://wotlk.wowhead.com/?talent=IbxMZbxfzsgoqMsgkfo

Costa Rica Day 4

2008-08-12T10:07:00.002-04:00

The tour today centered around Cano island. The weather was much calmer but butts were still sore and chaffed from the days prior.

We had two snorkeling sessions amoung the reefs that surround the island. Supposedly, the under water sights are not as grand as at other locales in the world, but they impressed me given this was my first open water snorkeling. The beach on the island was blase and purely a tourist destination. The only animals living full-time on the island are crabs, lizards, snakes and birds.

The food here is not as good as the food in Peru; it seems less organic and more forced. This lodge grows much of its own vegetables, so its not that the food is not fresh. I suppose it could be that it appears more civilized than I would like. This lodge is, after all, more hotel-like than not.

Finally, many of the people here seem genuinely entertained by the wildlife. Our boat pilots, for example, were taking pictures of the whales we saw despite probably having seen them numerous times already, and the lodge employees hardly miss the opportunity to smile at the monkeys thiefing bananas. I would have expected the continued exposure would jade people and am glad it does not.

Costa Rica Day 3

2008-08-10T22:18:00.002-04:00

Today began at the ungodly hour of 5:30 after a full night of what one would expect a good rain forest storm to be like. We had only time to scarf some fruit and coffee before being rushed to the boat for the start of our tour. Over one hour of white knuckle motor boating through the chop of a rain storm was required to reach our destination. Devine providence was with us and sunshine broke as we breached the shore.

This was the start of Sarah's unhappy day. Sarah gets motion sickness. While able to brave the hardest parts of the trip, she fell victum to near-shore rocking and lost what little of breakfast she had consumed. To compound the misery, her hiking shoes and socks were well licked by the tide.

Our monkey luck from Peru continued here allowing us to experience 4 monkey species in the first 20 minutes of the hike (howler, spider, squirrel, and white faced-capuchin). Overall, our guide was lacking in the plant and insect department and rather gruff, but he did manage to find a sleeping tapir - much larger than expected. He found a dead tapir too, being eating by vultures.

Speaking of monkeys, there are a family of white-faced capuchin that frequent the lodge. They are the only species of monkey here willing to come close to humans. Today, one was trying to steal bananas from the kitchen and later two were monkeying around with the lodge dog who likes to keep them in line.

Costa Rica Day 2

2008-08-09T21:50:00.002-04:00

Our great travel agent Sarah had planned for us to travel all day today via car to our departure point for the rain forest. Aside from getting pulled over and the 2 hours of dirt roads, the majority of the 6 hours journey was uneventful.

The last of three cars to be pulled over, a gaggle of six police officers were claming that we had been doing 100 kph. No es verdad we told them, we were doing 80. Or best guess is that they were trying to chump us out of some cash. Luckily, they let us go on our way. Either they have leniency for tourists, or felt that their scheme had been thwarted.

The dirt roads were fabulous. During its course, it carried from as wide as about 20m to as narrow as just bigger than our car. At the widest expanses, anything goes. Traffic in both directions constantly battled for the more agreable path with no headence for lanes of any sort. The narrowest expanses where temprary bridges they set up next to ongoing construction. These passes where sketchy at best mostly comprised of shifting metal plates and sticks. But what great fun the dirt road was.

Costa Rica Day 1

2008-08-09T21:45:00.003-04:00

The first day of our Costa Rica trip passed more or less uneventfully. There was some trepedation on my part because of the slight sickness I had acquired shortly before leaving. However, I am feeling spry enough now and we all are safely here. We met Shama after customs as she had already arrived. V was to arrive much later that evening.

There was some talk of doing this or that in San Jose so as not to waste our first day, but the hot tub in our pool-side room was calling and all of us ended up passing out even before V arrived.

Social Lull

2008-06-20T10:02:00.002-04:00

I think the feeling of anti-social behaviour that comes with aging is merely a consequence of comparing one's current life to college and slightly after college life. I think most people form deep ties with friends during the college years and the people you meet there-after may or may not be as fulfilling.

Furthermore, and we are getting older and our choices change because our perception of values change -- sleep and/or work seems much more important than frivolity. We are all dispersed now and socialization is much less organic. Even when you have friends in the same city, meshing lifestyles such that everyone can meet is a rigorous exercise.

Organic socialization seems like it can be very difficult to regain, but steps can be taken (aside from forming and living in a commune). This is but one of the wondrous reasons for the Pyrate Party.

Game Development

2008-06-19T09:17:00.002-04:00

If articles like this are to be believed, my current profession is increasingly in demand. I suppose there will be more and more demand for game developers as our society embraces that form of entertainment more and more (thanks in no small part to the Wii).

And I always thought the gaming industry was very closed to outsides. It came as no small surprise when I was hired. Perhaps as the article mentioned, my higher math degree came in handy.

2008-05-16T23:47:00.002-04:00

Given that most of my friends have displaced themselves there was little turn out for a cinco de mayo gathering some weeks ago. But, never fear. The excess tequila I purchased has been forming many weeks of margaritas.

It continues to amaze me how well written and produced Battlestar Galactica is. Their allusions to enlightenment and wrestling with predestination concepts are highly entertaining.

I have not watched such a brilliantly fillmed movie in quite a while as M Every scene was as picturesque as the most artfully arrange B&W photograph. Having had theatrical lighting experience, I was mistified at most every scene. Cinematography aside, the piece is an amalgum of amazing camera work, excellent acting, and refreshing dialog. It seems so far beyond its 1931 film date.

Today I...

2008-05-07T22:38:00.002-04:00

... once again witnessed the propensity of humans to lash out with anger instead of acknowledge their errors. A driver who clearly disregarded my presence on my bike flipped me the bird when I made it known with an "excuse me" and a wave that we almost collided.

... learned that inline methods in C are must faster to access than implemented methods. That which is defined inline is copied into memory with every instance of the class. Implemented methods must be accessed and loaded. Therefore one trades memory utilization for speed.

... experienced the amount of drag that is incurred when biking into a head wind. It is not a mystery that wind will slow one's progress, but it is another thing to truly feel that influence. The experience made me mindful of how just how much more energy must be used when working against such forces and reminded me to slow down when driving up hills or into the wind.

Just Smile and Nod

2008-04-16T22:22:00.006-04:00

I had the unfortunate experience - as many do - of being at the receiving end of a strangely enraged driver. The incident merely entailed an interchange of ideas: him with frantic arm gestures signaling his superiority and me with a peace sign and a smile. Yet, irrespective of fault, it is curious how such a relatively trivial event can infect. I found myself mulling over the incident for no sensible reason.

When people interact with other people, there are bound to be misunderstandings and inevitably grievances. What seems most natural to us is to cling to our ill feelings and then pass them on to others and so forth an infection will spread. I would venture to guess that the motivation for this behavior is to somehow make righteous the wrongs we suffered by having others feel the same. No good can come of ill deeds replicated.

Since everyone is capable of starting an infection, we must take every opportunity to stop the spread of others. Instead of letting the current of anger grab hold of me, I aim to make a point of stopping it at me. Whenever I can I try to act as a breakwater. This is hardly ever the easy path. Yet, when I think of how many more people might have be pissed of in turn by me, I am know it was worthwhile.

It's an Anime World (アニメの世界だ)

2008-03-29T19:59:00.007-04:00

I am in the process of watching an anime series with a typical plot: a 17 year-old girl is turned into an "ultimate weapon" (最終兵器) and thus must rectify the two worlds in which she lives all while trying to understand love. Neither this plot nor anime in general are the point. There are times when I witness fantasy akin to it that I am almost overcome with a desire to enter into that world. I can only guess that this emotion is something I share with other humans. I simply find it curious that the feeling is so strong.

I fully realize that even if I were to go to Japan - a journey I should have made quite a long time ago and still have not - that that world would be no closer to the world of the anime than the world where I live. And yet, I pine for it still.

At least part of the attractiveness must be the eternal youth featured in such depictions. Aging is inevitable and even as a child I was not immune to its looming grasp. Every now and again I feel pangs of regret that time is slipping. I turn 30 soon and therefore it seems only just that I should feel them again. Certainly I know I am not old. I have only now fully matured.

Yet, youth has a seemingly inescapable pull. It clouds the mind with fantasy and therefore should be cast off. Or should it? Being an advocate of the middle path, I continually query myself as to where the lines should be drawn. Certainly, fantasy must be acceptable. Without it, we could not create the impossible as we do. Many modern conveniences were once considered impossible. Without their inventors obsession with the impossible they would not exist.

I suppose that is the crux of the matter. To obsess over the impossible can lead to great outcomes. But, dragons, and cyborgs, and super 17 year-old, school-girl-outfit-wearing killing machines are and will always be impossibilities, right? If they are never obtainable, surely they are waste of time. Unfortunately, it is impossible to prove their impossibility.

What is the moral? Who knows? I am going to go back to watching my anime, drink enough beer to forget there was ever an issue, and enjoy it.

1337 n1nj4 sK1llz

2008-03-16T13:26:00.002-04:00

Friday was both PI day and test day for my Kenpo black belt. The test was not so much technically challenging as it was physically exhausting. Towards the end it was all I could do to stop myself from passing out cold and/or retching. I felt myself wishing to put more into it since most of my body had more to give. Unfortunately, the lack of water and food (test started before dinner and ended at 10:15) combined with the oppressive sink of 16 dead-tired people went right to my head.

The most notable challenge of the night was moving a giant truck tire end over end in World's Strongest Man fashion. I swear it might have out weighed me by a factor of two. I feel accomplished in having flipped it twice.

As much as I do not see such ranks as having an appreciable value compared with pure experience, it is nice to have someone officially acknowledge the effort and time one has put into something. Depending on the art, style, and school, there can be quite a wide range of skill levels between people of the same rank. I have always believed belts are meant to hold up your pants more than designate your prowess. But, they are badges of membership of increasingly exclusive clubs. Therefore, I am quite happy to have come this far.

Thank you to all my teachers: Master Brian Hansen, Master Scott Packard, John Palmeri, and Christopher Glenn.

(Theoretically, there should soon also be a test given by Grand Master Tak for a similar rank in Kung-Fu. This last test made me realize I really need to train those horse stances.)

The Nature of Time

2008-03-05T09:56:00.002-05:00

I have, on occasion, pondered the nature of time. In my latest insane delusions, I have begun to question its existence as an actual physicality. Perhaps time is a perception and convenient way of tracking of some other phenomenon.

Only energy and incident reactions dictate the doings of the physical world. If a particle is bestowed energy it will react (perhaps a translation or an energy state change). The reaction will occur until enough energy is lost to return the particle to a state of equilibrium.

We must use some measure to track the progress of the energy change and we call this time. The measure must be based upon some other known energy transfer. In that way we can say that the reaction of such-and-such particle will occur for X of this other interaction. Since the second is currently defined in terms of atomic decay, this is already in practice.

Even if this rationale were correct, it does not really change the nature of how the physics of the world are quantified. It would be a different way of thinking about the nature of how the universe changes.

Virtual Box

2008-03-04T14:56:00.002-05:00

Virtual Box is a machine virtualization software application similar to VMware but, at least for end-users, wonderfully superior. I have done some pretty stupid (i.e., l337) things with VMware and it had a tendency to respond with annoying quirks here and there. I have no such problems with Virtual Box. So impress am I with this little piece of free-to-single-users piece of software that I simply had to write about it. It's prim and polish is extraordinary -- truly an example of a well thought-out and implemented appliance.

Number One, Make It Happen

2008-02-21T15:06:00.003-05:00

"Why does the Star Treck man watch you pee?" was a completely appropriate question posed by the wife of a co-worker. She had just returned from utilizing the office bathroom for the first time where she noticed a life-size cut-out of Captain Pickard over-looking her progress. The other bathroom has Spok as sentinel. Your bathroom performance will either be graded with the cold, calculating logic of a Vulcan or the passion and rigour of a human Star Fleet captain. Spok's science station is located in the back and therefore serves as the de-facto poop deck, while Pickard typically oversees urination. Coincidence? I think not.

Orgasm...Now!

2007-10-03T17:53:00.000-04:00

The Brotherhood of the Two Dragons (the stage name of my martial arts performing group) took a trip to the Wicked Labyrinth (http://www.wickedfaire.com/labyrinth/) this past Saturday morning. Since John insisted on still having one class that day, we arrived with just enough time to warm up for our first show (11:30 am). The convention was rather diminutive. Only the audience of our last performance was worthwhile -- we even received one crappy sci-fi and one porn DVD as part of that last session's tips!

The highlight of the entire trip was definitely the sexual hypnotist that performed later that evening. When we arrived at his show, it had already begun and a group of about 10 were sitting up on stage in trace states. The hypnotist was in the process of a "three step" plan to improve the sex life of the participants. Through many soft utterances of "The pleasure is now 10 times greater, 20 times..., 100 times greater," and commands such as "Orgasm now!" he hoped to subconsciously enable the subjects to have multiple orgasms. Two weak minded individuals from the audience succumbed to his bewitching tongue, one of whom proved to be the most entertaining of the lot.

Being convinced that he was being alternately tickled and having the best sex ever was too much for the poor man who flopped himself out of his chair and onto the floor. Snatching upon the opportunity for mischief the maestro called upon another very responsive subject to dispense some torture upon him. The hypnotist handle this girl a soft whip that be called an artefact. This whip, he convinced his subjects, caused uncontrollable tickling. This man was a master of his craft. Not only did his subtle words have the girl flogging this poor boy, but orgasm at every strike. back and forth tickle, orgasm, tickle, orgasm. It was a beauteous demonstration of mind control.

More Humid Adventures

2007-08-16T16:17:00.000-04:00

During our stay, most of the other tourist visiting the lodge were older Americans -- older as in 60+. Our guide told us of one 90 year-old individual who wished above all else to go on the canopy walk. The normally 40 minute hike out there took him 4 hours. And, although he managed to get through all 500 m of the canopy walk he was unable to return to the lodge. The guide had to run back and return with a hammock and help to carry the gentleman back. On a humorous note, one member of a tour group sounded exactly like the sketchy old man constantly on the prowl to spy Chris's birthday suit from The Family Guy.

Each of the lodges had different pets. At ours, there were several parrots. Half of them were nice and half were brats -- especially the macaws. One of the green parrots befriended us and would let us carry him/her around on our fingers or shoulders. He/she would occasionally refuse to get off of the ride. On another occasion, I saved a different green parrot from being attacked by one of the more grumpy macaws. And Sarah was bit twice. Once out of spite and once because our friend was desiring some of the many crackers we would feed him/her.

In the waters of the Amazon swim two types of dolphins: small grey and pink. Both are very hard to see and harder to photograph.

We Can Now Hunt Squirrel

2007-08-13T16:18:00.000-04:00

One of the stops on our tour of the area surrounding the lodge was an indigenous village. Unfortunately, there are no indigenous peoples that live in traditional villages any more. This village was created by request of the lodge to given tourists an idea of how these peoples used to live. While such windows into past culture are certainly beneficial to all, it was awkward nonetheless. These people were actual members of this tribe and the elders even still spoke the traditional dialect. But, I just felt bad that these people were just doing some job to make us happy. We had to dance with them too, just to add to the awkwardness.

We did, however, come out of the experience with a blowgun. Several members of the tribe demonstrated its use and then allowed us to try. These weapons are incredibly easy to use and very accurate. We of course could not pass us the opportunity to acquire a full size one of our own.

Getting it to the US was quite the hassle. We bought a tube in which to transport it but that proved to be 6 cm too big for our international flight home on Taca airlines. Luckily the customer service desk at the airport was nice enough to summon some workers to remove the 6cm from the tube allowing the airline to finally accept it. They claimed that they would have to change us $120 to transport it -- the device cost but $40 -- but thus far they have not charged us the fee. Let us hope it stays that way.

Fish and Bananas, Bananas and Fish

2007-08-13T15:22:00.000-04:00

The denizens of the rain forest eat two meals per day. They have bananas and fish for breakfast and fish and bananas for lunch. All their food can be obtained locally. Fish from the river and fruit, rice, yuca, and etc. are grown locally. They need only trade with people in the city when they require items such as fishing line or batteries. To do this, they gather up some produce or meat from their farm animals and travel up river for at least five hours on one of the numerous river taxis.

Our food at the lodge was heavenly and delivered thrice daily. There was always a meat (red, white, or fish), scrumptious beans (good for when the meat was not fish), rice, a cabbage salad, starch (potatoes or yuca), fruit and something like bread pudding. The food combined with the lazy atmosphere, and entertaining pet parrots yielded quite a Zen experience.

I can see how people have been entranced away from the US to live there. At 3 degrees latitude, the sun always rises at 6:30 and sets at 6:30. Life is run on the clock of the sun and the river and the mosquitoes. Locals are a bed at night fall, safely entombed under their mosquito netting. They rise again before dawn and toil through the day with nary a care of the modern world. We met two ex-patriots still affiliated with the lodge. One started a medical practice for thousands along the river and the other is building a library. Sarah wants to return there for no other reason than to play with monkeys.

I told her that she cannot have monkeys in the US. That would be mean to the monkey. However, something like la isla de los Monos (Monkey Island) which we visited this past Thursday, would be an alternative. The simians there were raised by humans from near birth and are therefore quite sociable. There was one in particular, named Andre, that follows tourists for miles and makes a sport of trying to annoy them. Like a cat attracted to dark clothing, he will taunts those who would be agitated the most. The tamerins were my favorite. They were so very tiny. One took habitation for a time in the nook between my camera bag and I. The monkeys had free reign to come and go as they pleased, sometimes crossing the river, and occasionally the monkeys would not return. If only we had such luxuries in Western society.

Rain Forest = No Internet

2007-08-09T14:05:00.000-04:00

The title is not entirely true. I am writing from the lobby of a posh resort on the banks of the Amazon. It is owned by the same company through which we have been seeing the local sights. It is so grand as to even have a jacuzzi connected to a main pool via a water slide. Very different when compared with the out houses, mosquito nets, and cold water only showers of where we are staying. Of course, it even that is nothing compared with how the locals live.

The Amazon is very muddy. The water is consistently brown. Despite that it teems with life. There are two species of Dolphin -- one pink, one grey. And, as our guide says, the people live on fish and bananas.

More later.

Of Reeds and Smog

2007-08-04T17:35:00.000-04:00

The reed islands were very, very cool. They are so very unique. After all, who would normally think ¨Hey, let´s build an entire village comprising of 80 floating islands.¨ (In their defense, they were fleeing from some sort of opression). Not only that, but the islands used to be farther away. The locals moved closer to shore 25 years ago so they could benefit from tourism. The islands had some strange duality shit happening too. While the whole scene appears at first to be very 1600´s (or earlier), you then notice a TV peaking out from a hut. They have solar panels to power some basic devices. There is even a public phone on the island that has a hotel. (Mind you, the hotel is a series of huts).

Lake Titicokka is pretty neat for a lake. A blanket of sharply green algea covers large expanses. It is so think that is appears as if the local water foul could simply walk a top it. The fish from the lake is super tasty as well. Hopefully eating it will not give me some evil disease.

If the food does not kill me, the pollution might. There is certainly something to be said for emissions regulations. There is most obviously nothing of that sort here. Cars, buses, and trucks a-like are likely as not to spew a think cloud of posion that darkens both sky and lung. I try to hold my breath as they pass but then I get light headed because I am not getting enough oxygen (high altitude).

Sarah and I are feeling slightly run down. Hopefully we can hold off the impending illness that seems inevitable. The most exciting part of the trip is yet to come. Tomorrow we leave for the North, and the rain forest.

3 Mile High Club

2007-08-03T23:08:00.000-04:00

After a 8 hour bus ride across the higher road in the world we arrived at lake Titicoka, 4000m above sea level. We do not have too much planned here. I mean, it´s cool and all, but after all, it is just a lake. If we had more time we could sail to some islands in the lake that are especially traditional (i.e., no roads or electricity). However, tomorrow we intend to vist an island made entirely of reeds but then spend the rest of the day slacking off. The day after we fly to the rain forest and then trek to a place to which there are no roads.

Yesterday we made a poor old man walk up a steep mountain to find us. We hired this gentleman to drive us all over. One of the stops was a salt refining area (salt pans) hanging on the side of a 1000 foot cliff. Thanks to my poor Spanish and general misunderstanding, we did not end up where our guide expected us. Eventually he found us on the trail.

He only wanted 150 soles for the whole day. That is about $50, for 9 hours of work, less gas and car maintenance. I have no idea how they earn enough to pay for, like, food. Taxi rides within cities run about $1 -- anywhere in the city. Local produce and booze is likewise cheap. I have been fancying these fresh fruit drinks they offer everywhere. They literally jam juice into a juicer and fill up huge glasses for like $1.50.

Ican ruins are ridiculous. They build these stepped fields on the sides of sheer cliffs thousands of feet in the air. Those with fear of heights need not apply to be Incan. It is a veritable shame that the Spanish colonists went so out of their way to erase the Incan culture in attempts to usher in Chirstianity. They would purposefully deface and bury some structures and art, and use stones from others to build churches. Bah I say.

Machu Picchu I Choose You

2007-08-01T23:08:00.000-04:00

Even stones of historical significance are just rocks most of the time. Yesterday´s treck involved seeing many of those. The Inca are cool and all, and they managed to carve and move some insanely large stones, but some of the ruins are less than exciting. Nothing I have ever seen compares to Machu Picchu.

The ruins of this site cling to the sides of the Andes in a seemingly perposterous manner. Furthermore, the structures are all but completely intact -- only the thatching of the rooves is missing. The agriculturial areas are expecially mystifying when one thinks on how the Incan worked these narrow, stepped ledges. Words cannot do it justice.

I did manage to leave my own personal taint upon the once great civilization, however. It seems that I have acquired more than just altitude sickness. I blame my over active bowels on a ¨pizza¨I ate the other day. I can assure you that my squating over the edge of a 2000m drop to plume a torrent of evil was entirely necessary.

What is not necessary if how earnestly the Peruvians rape you for traveling to and witnessing Machi Picchu. One needs to pay for the train ride there, a bus ride from the train to the site, and a ticket for entry. My only hope is the fees go towards good and not some corrupt embezzelment. At least the train ride provided entertainment. A local dressed in traditional garb -- a white sock of sorts with eye and mouth holes, a plateau hat, and a llama-cum-ferret toy, danced (nay pranced) about the car. Oh, that was before the other car attendants performed a fashion show of alpaca goods they wished to pawn off upon us.

It seems that everyone in this country has something they want to sell you in the most forceful manner. The scores of 10 year-olds selling finger puppets is one thing, but when you have 10 year-olds calling you gringo because you won´t make a purchase from their cigarette tray is another. At least some of the children know how to work for they meager earnings. The bus descent from Machu Pichu is accompanied by a child who runs down via a straight route and meets the bus at every switch back. This boy, dressed in traditional garb, waves frantically as if his life depends upon it at every meeting with the bus. It was clear from the start that he was out to garner tips. I say let the exercise be his payment!

We were wondering if he gets to keep any of the money he earns or if his parents claim all of it. I can only assume that in a country were all houses are made of mud and poop (adobe), and only the rich have the money to plaster coat said bricks, that all money goes to the family. It certainly does not go towards feeding domesticated animals. Packs of dogs run rampant in the streets feeding upon garbage (and possibly cats because we have not seen any).

Beunos noches.

Estoy muy cansado

2007-07-30T21:06:00.000-04:00

Alive and well, I speak from Peru -- Cuzco to be exact. Cuzco is 10k feet above sea level. Not only is walking about vigourouly tiring, but the altidude sickness really takes a toll.

Overall, Peruvians are not as humourously entertaining as the Greek. There is no over abundance of tight pants and large hair. But, once again, we have to put our poop rags in the trash. Go USA toilet power!

Day 1: We arrived in Lima in the evening. Dinner was scavanged across the street from our hotel and consisted of local delicacies. Firstly, there was cerviche -- fish cooked only via its interactions with citrus. Following we have yua and papas con queso, both muy deliciosos. Then I discovered that Nintendo are cocks and while every other voltage adapter I own auto switches 110/220 volts the DS's does not. Fuck the man I bought an adapter at the Lima equivalent of Walmart.

Day 2: We wandered almost aimlessly around Lima, and we finished it on one day. Think of it as a shareware video game where the goal is to avoid ruleless traffic and smog, and attempt to find interesting activities. We made the best of our time by splitting a bottle of Chilean wine and passing out.

Day 3: Today started at the unsightly hour of 3:45 in order to catch our 6 am flight to Cuzco. Speaking of transportation, Peruvians have a nasty habit of cancelling your reservations if you do not confirm. Our current hotel hostess says that is beacuse they enjoy dicking people over. There are llama and people dressed funny here. If you give them a dollar the will let you take their picture. That's, like, their job.

Weariness is taking ahold of me. Tomorrow will involve seeing sights and what not -- old Incan things. The Incan flag is a rainbow which supposedly people continually confuse with gay pride. There is one painting with an Incan sun over a rainbow. Gaaaaay.

Oh, Peruvian airports like to hit you hard in the bum. They charge you fees to use their airport in addition to what is charged on the ticket. They enjoy extorting people, and making them look at their poop wipings.

-- Chow

I Shall Summon My Ice Dragon

2007-07-24T21:35:00.000-04:00

The Renaissance Faire and my run as a member of the Brotherhood of the Two Dragons has finally ended. Oh the wonders I have seen. We were seemingly well liked by all and too much by some. There was the 12 year old whose costume consisted of a bed sheet and a pom-pom parrot strapped to his shoulder, and who told us quite the in depth story about how he is a monster hunter and commands an ice dragon who happened to be "busy" that day, the speechless ninja who pulled around a subservient and under age harem girl by chains, and the self titled "angel of death" vendor whose bare chest, bat wings, nipple piercings, and 50 pounds of schlock hanging from his belt put a strange, ambiguously heterosexual twist on his bravado. I am pretty sure I was hit on by at least one faire regular (clearly not my.... type) by asking not for my phone number and not for my email, but for my facebook or myspace page.

-- Interestingly, I read a story recently about how the younger generation views email as being antiquated and tend to only use it to communicate "with adults." --

The women tended to be quite sociable, even going so far as to say they would likely jump all four of us at once had they the opportunity. The men, on the other hand, often felt the need to assert their manliness around us by insisting on being able to withstand full-on kicks from horses and describing their jousting prowess. Coincidentally, the actual jousters were some of the nicest people one could meet. We all took a shine to each other. They went as far as to offer us all opportunities to learn to joust. If it was not a minimum two year commitment, I would be more than just tempted.

We left the place this Sunday in a cloud dust and blaring heavy metal music with offers to attend multiple other such festivals. Who knows, maybe it'll be a living.

Peru is imminent. We leave this Saturday. In preparation we are now nearly immune to yellow fever, tetinus, typhoid, and hepatitus. Huzzah, our insurance covered most of the meds and we were able to acquire the non-hallucinogenic malaria pills.